Tony: Alvarez Security Series Page 4

  He had kept her at arm’s length for so long, convincing himself that he did not want her. Or need her. Or anyone. But holding her right here, right now, had his mind wondering if maybe there could be something between them. If perhaps he could try again. No. Don’t go there. Not again. His arms could not seem to listen to his mind as he continued to hold her as sobs racked her body.

  She had no sense of the passage of time. She felt her hands bunch his shirt that was pressed closely to her face. Tears soaked the material, but she could not make them stop. Her legs felt gelatinous and at one point she felt his arms shift as if to hold her up. Voices began to murmur in the distance but meant nothing to her.

  Matt and Shane appeared, taking in the scene efficiently. Calling it in to get the homicide detectives to the hotel, they quietly asked Tony questions. Tony answered them succinctly and if they wondered about his arms supporting Sherrie, they did not let on. He was grateful. Don’t need them reading more into this than it is.

  Sherrie’s sobs had quieted and he could feel her testing her weight as she placed her feet more firmly on the floor. She pushed ever so slightly on his arms, but his brain could not seem to tell them to let go of her. Looking down, her face was tear-streaked, shock still in her eyes.

  “Sherrie?” Matt asked softly. “When was the last time you saw your sister?”

  Opening her mouth to answer, her tongue seemed to have swollen, halting the words from coming out. Licking her lips, she swallowed loudly. “It…I…” Giving herself a little shake, she tried again. “A year ago. I haven’t seen or heard from her since…”

  Matt nodded, well remembering how Charisse led Sherrie into a trap, trying to score a favor with a drug king-pin.

  “She…she sent me a text saying she needed me,” Sherrie continued, holding out her phone for him to see.

  By then the other detectives had arrived and the scene became an active investigation. Matt, Shane, and Tony gave their information to the detective in charge.

  “Tony?” she called in a small voice. He looked down immediately, seeing trust mixed in with grief.

  “Yeah?” he answered, more gruffly than he should have.

  “What…what happens now? With her?”

  Sighing, he answered gently, “They’ll take the body. They may have to do an autopsy to determine cause of death. They’ll let you know when you can have a funeral home come and pick her up.”

  “Oh.” Her brain simply could not process anymore.

  Recognizing that he needed to get her out of there, he walked her slowly to the outside of the room and down the hall a little ways. “I’m going to make sure that they don’t need you for anything else. Stay here, okay?”

  He walked back to the room, talking with Matt and Shane for a few minutes. “Jesus, fuck, guys. Charisse was a piece of work and now this? Just couldn’t stay off the drugs.”

  “Sherrie gonna be okay?” Shane asked.

  “Yeah. I’ll take her home in a little bit.”

  “You were holding her pretty tight when we got in. She finally breaking through that tough exterior of yours?”

  “Nah. Just making sure she didn’t pass out all over the crime scene, that’s all.” Jesus, fuck, I’m a prick. Can’t even admit that it felt fuckin’ great to finally have her in my arms, even if it was from this fucked up situation.

  The men chatted a few more minutes and then Tony walked back into the hall. Looking around, seeing it empty, he sprinted to the stairs and out through lobby. A taxi was just pulling away, Sherrie’s blonde hair visible from the back.

  Standing on the cold sidewalk, hands on his hips, he hung his head. She must have heard. Fighting the urge to get in his truck and race after her, he stood his ground stoically. This is why I’m no good for anyone. I just don’t know how to open myself up to those emotions anymore.

  Turning he walked to his truck, pulled himself into the driver’s seat and moved into traffic.

  Chapter 4

  A week later Sherrie sat numbly in the seat at the front of the cemetery staring at the casket. She kept things simple, knowing her sister had no friends that would have attended her funeral. In fact her sister had no friends at all, unless you counted pimps, her drug supplier, and perhaps a few strippers and hookers.

  She looked at the gleaming casket, glad that the cheapest version did not look like just a box. Charisse certainly had no money, no savings, and no life insurance to help cover the costs. In fact, if Sherrie’s friends had not given some donations, she would have been paying off this bare-bones funeral for years.

  Her eyes were hidden behind sunglasses even though the day was cloudy. Charisse may have been a mess as a person…but she was still her sister. The stress of the last week was bearing down on Sherrie, causing a never-ending headache. Reaching up to rub her forehead, she wished…what the hell do I wish for? That Charisse had not been such a fuck-up? That I hadn’t been pulling her ass out of the fire since we were teenagers? That I had been better…or more understanding…or something?

  Her friend, Jennifer, reached over and grasped her hand, giving a gentle squeeze, startling her out of her musings. Annie, Lily, and Suzanne sat on the other side with their husbands sitting in the row behind. The minister had finished his prayer and was walking over to offer his condolences before leaving.

  She stood, accepting the hugs from her friends and assured them that she was fine and just needed a little privacy. She watched them as they made their way to their cars, smiling when they glanced back.

  She walked slowly toward her car, but spying a bench under a tree she made her way there. Sitting down, she wrapped her arms around her middle, trying to protect herself. From the chill. Both inside and out.

  Alone. All alone. It had been her and Charisse for as long as she could remember. No uncles or aunts. No cousins. And now Sherrie was filled with the realization that she was the last in her family. She sighed loudly, the weight pressing on her chest forcing the air from her lungs.

  “Do you need someone to see you home?” a deep voice came from behind that she recognized. Of course I recognize it…it’s filled my dreams ever since I first met him. And I am nothing to him. He sees me and just sees an extension of my sister. I’ll never be good enough for him. She closed her eyes for a moment, wondering if his voice was only her imagination.

  “Sherrie?” the voice prompted.

  She did not turn around as she answered, “No, thank you. I’m fine, Tony.”

  He walked around to the front of the bench and stopped directly in front of her. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry. About your sister. About…”

  Leaning her head way back so that she could see his face, she replied, “It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

  “I’d like to see you home,” he said, squatting so that she did not have to lean back so far.

  She looked at his face. She had memorized every facet. From his short, dark hair to his square jaw with just a hint of stubble. And those eyes. The color of warm caramel. She wanted to lean into his chest and feel his arms around her. She wanted to know what it would be like to have him take her home, sit with her and hold her.

  She stood from the bench, a forced a smile on her face. “Thank you, but I’m fine,” she said for the hundredth time that week. Maybe if I keep saying it, it will eventually be the truth.

  She moved around him quickly and walked to her car, hearing him walk behind her. She opened the door and turned to see that she could not shut it with him standing in the way.

  “Tony, you’re good to go. I don’t need babysitting. I’m just going to go home and rest for a while.”

  He stood for a moment, indecision written plainly on his face before just nodding and closing her door. She drove slowly out of the cemetery and told herself that she would not look in the rear-view mirror. But she did…and seeing Tony standing there alone instead of holding her almost broke her heart.

  *

  A week later, Sherrie found herself back in her car with nothing in her
rear-view mirror but highway. Mr. Marks had called her in and told her that he was forcing her to take a break.

  “Listen to an old man, my dear. I’ve buried loved ones before and you need to take some time for yourself. I talked to my wife and we agreed that we’d like you to get away. We’ve got a little cabin that’s less than two hours from here that’s in the mountains. It’s kind of rustic, but we keep it stocked and with a few of your own groceries, you’ll have everything that you need.”

  After much protesting on her part and insisting on his, she acquiesced. Her girlfriends had all come by the day after the funeral to check on her but right now seeing them only brought to mind what she did not have. Family. They were all married, some with children. I love them but right now, I just need to get away.

  After packing for a weekend trip, she loaded her car with luggage and some food. Glancing at the gray sky that matched her mood, she put the directions in her GPS and started out. After a while, she gave Jennifer a quick call to let her know where she was going.

  “Sherrie, are you crazy? Haven’t you heard the weather reports?” Jennifer asked with concern.

  “I haven’t really had the TV on this week,” Sherrie had to admit.

  “Honey, there’s a snow storm coming. In fact, it’s heading our way right now and you’re heading for the Blue Ridge Mountains where it’s going to hit before Richland.”

  Sherrie sighed, a moment of indecision flitting through her mind. “Jennifer, I’m going on. I just need to get out of town and I’ll be fine. Once I get there, I’ll just sleep and read. That’s all I need right now.”

  “Oh, honey. Please be careful. I’m worried about you.”

  “Don’t be. It’s not like I’ll be out in the weather. I’ll be snug in a cabin and can just weather the storm.” Giving a snort, she added, “Kind of like I’ve been doing my whole life.”

  “Sherrie, just make sure to take care of yourself, let me hear from you, and stay warm. And when you get back, we’ll talk.”

  She smiled. Jennifer was a social worker who worried about everybody and being her friend was comforting as well as fun. “Fine, as soon as I get back, we’ll get together.”

  With goodbyes and promises to be careful, they hung up. Sherrie leaned forward looking at the darkening sky. Glancing back to the GPS, she should only have thirty more minutes to drive. Flipping on the radio to distract her, she found a country station and listened to songs of lost loves and found loves. Her mind, as always, went back to Tony as she tried to accept that he fell into the ‘I’ll never have love’ category.

  *

  As soon as Jennifer hung up the phone with Sherrie, she called Gabe.

  “Hey gorgeous,” he answered.

  “Honey, I’m sorry to bother you at work, but it’s about Sherrie.”

  “What about Sherrie? Is she all right?” he asked, glancing up at his co-workers, his gaze focusing on Tony whose attention was riveted on him. “Hang on, babe. I’m putting you on speaker.”

  “I don’t know that I should be worried, but she’s been so quiet this past week. I know that’s normal, but I couldn’t get her to talk about her feelings, or her grief, or her sister at all. Now her boss has offered her his cabin in the mountains as a retreat to get away from it all for a bit.”

  Gabe, a confused look on his face, said, “Babe, I think that sounds good. It may be just what she needs.”

  “Honey, she’s going there now. Right now. She hadn’t listened to the news or weather and I told her a huge snow storm was coming but she went anyway. What if her electricity goes out? Or she’s stuck there for a week?”

  Tony’s voice cut in. “Where’s the cabin?”

  “I don’t know. She said it belonged to her boss, Mr. Marks. Should I try to call him?”

  Tony’s eyes cut over to Lily, his computer guru, and understanding his look she immediately began to search.

  “Hang on, baby. Lily’s checking,” Gabe said. “How did she sound?”

  Jennifer sighed. “It’s been two weeks since Charisse died and I know that Sherrie is grieving. I wished she would talk to me, but I get the feeling that she feels like none of us would understand. Or that she feels like she’s a bother to us. Nothing could be further from the truth, but she has been on her own for so long I don’t think she knows how to open up. I checked with Suzanne and she said the same.”

  At the mention of his wife’s name, BJ nodded. “Yeah, Suzy says that Sherrie has just pulled back into herself.”

  “Got it,” Lily announced, having located the cabin’s address.

  Tony was already standing as Lily jotted it down. “Jennifer, don’t worry. I’m heading out now,” he replied. He left the conference room to grab some items from his office, while Gabe finished the conversation with his wife.

  As Tony walked back in, he saw the eyes of his brothers-in-arms staring at him. A man of action, he was not used to needing to explain. “I…I—”

  Gabe stood, followed by Vinny and Jobe. “No need to explain, sir. She needs your help. Whatever you need from us, you have.”

  Tony nodded curtly then turned to walk out of the door. He stopped, his back still to his group. Hesitating. Turning back around slowly he looked at his men, his employees…his friends. “This…she’s…more than a mission,” he finally admitted. Both to them and to himself.

  The group smiled in unison. “Yes, sir,” Gabe said. “You need us, you just let us know.”

  *

  Tony ran to his apartment to grab some cold-weather gear. He kept his SUV loaded in the wintertime with the necessary items, but he quickly grabbed some warm clothes and made sure his apartment was secure before heading out. Punching in the address in his GPS, he pulled onto the highway heading out of town.

  What the hell was she thinking, driving to the mountains with a snow storm coming? He thought of her usual dress…pencil skirts and heels. She probably doesn’t own a pair of snow boots. The idea of her getting stuck in snow before arriving at the cabin had him in knots.

  Listening to country music on the radio, he wondered when she became more than a mission. Was it when he rescued her the first time and saw not only gratitude but a sadness hidden deep inside those blue eyes. Or was it when she called him by mistake when she was trying to help Jennifer and it just so happened that his number was the first one on her call list?

  Maybe there was not a certain moment, but a combination of lots of little moments over the past year. The way she jumped in to help others, regardless of the safety to herself. The way she had tried for years to pull her sister’s ass out of the fire. Even the way she looked at him when she thought he was not looking. He knew that look. Longing. Wanting. Hoping.

  It was the same look he gave her, but for a year was determined to not give in to those desires. What about Marla? What about taking chances and loss? Rubbing the back of his neck in frustration, he suddenly realized the snow was beginning to fall. He had tried twice to call Sherrie’s number but it had gone straight to voice mail. Glancing at the GPS, it looked like he could be there in about forty minutes…as long as the storm cooperated.

  *

  With the snow making the road hard to see, Sherrie had to admit that perhaps Jennifer was right. She could no longer see the lines of the small two lane that was leading her higher. Thank God for GPS, she thought as she pulled off the road onto a gravel lane that winded around through the trees. Oh, Jesus. I hope it’s here soon.

  Finally coming into a clearing that was already filling with snow, she pulled up to the front of a little cabin. The storm had snow falling so hard and fast that she could not get a good look at the cabin’s exterior but decided that she did not care how rustic it was. Warm, dry, and no critters…that’ll be perfect.

  She got out of the car and quickly pulled her suitcase and the bags of groceries out of the trunk. It was cumbersome, but she did not want to make another trip back to the car. Awkwardly making her way to the front steps, she finally reached the porch. Once under the p
orch roof, she looked back, surprised to see that her windshields were already covered with snow. Finding the key, she unlocked the front door and it swung open. She stepped in, trying to maneuver her suitcase in front of her. Tripping, she landed on her knees on top of her luggage, her long blonde hair falling in her face.

  Huffing, she pushed herself up trying to move the suitcase while dropping the groceries onto the floor. Kicking the door shut with her foot, she pushed her hair out of her eyes and looked around.

  Oh, my. This is perfect, she thought, heaving a sigh of relief. When Mr. Marks had offered her the vacation cabin, she never questioned him what it would be like. Jennifer had her wondering what she was getting herself into, but this seemed like a dream.

  Small and rustic, it still oozed charm. To the left was a long living room with exposed beams in the vaulted ceiling. The room went the full length of the cabin, with sliding doors leading out to the back. A stone fireplace with built-in bookcases took up much of the left wall. An overstuffed sofa sat in front of the fireplace with two worn leather chairs flanking it. Stepping over her suitcase, she moved into the room. The large window at the front porch let in little light with the storm, but she could imagine that in better weather, the morning sun would stream in. The dark wood floors held braided rugs. She flipped a switch on the wall and the lamps sitting on the end tables lit.

  Turning, she saw an old wooden dining table and chairs on the opposite side of the front door and a kitchen further back. Walking into the kitchen, she saw that it was old, but gleaming. She imagined the Marks family when their children were little, running through the house and enjoying vacations here. Vacations. With family. Having never experienced a vacation, she felt a pang of envy, but pushed it down, determined to have her first vacation even in the middle of a snow storm.